Oscar falls negate Oscar wins. Well, not quite.

But that's what everyone's thinking.

Last night was...not my favorite Oscars ever but I will give them credit for bringing back Chicago & that performance by the Les Mis cast. I mean.

A few things I would like to make mention of:

1. Why is Kristen Stewart allowed to exit her house looking like she forgot she had hair to fix?
2. Yes, yes, yes to Jennifer Hudson's vocal range.
3. Can anyone tell me why Brandi Glanville was invited to the Oscars?
4. I'm an American, I love America, I'm so grateful we live in a democracy, I'll sing you the Star Spangled Banner until I'm blue in the face, but I'm still not sure why Michelle Obama needed to be Skype-d in while the Jack Nicholson was on stage.
5. Was that literally the longest Academy Awards show ever?
6. Adele: "I feel like Beyonce." That's all.
7. I haven't been to the Oscars yet, why?
8. Graydon Carter's Vanity Fair Oscar Party was hiding all the Best Dressed for the evening. Seriously.
9. Joseph Gordon Levitt meeting Dustin Hoffman for the first time on the Red Carpet was so fun to watch.
10. My favorite part of the evening was the entire time Renee Zellweger was on stage.

Jessica Chastain in Armani Prive

Amy Adams in Oscar de la Renta

Reese Witherspoon in Louis Vuitton

Kerry Washington in Mui Mui

She knows she gorgeous. And I'm not mad about it.

Sally Fields in Valentino

Jennifer Hudson in Roberto Cavalli

Catherine Zeta-Jones in Zuhair Murad

Charlize Theron in Dior Couture

Naomi Watts in Armani Prive

She wins best dressed for the season. Sheesh.

Adele in Jenny Packham

Stacey Keibler in Naeem Khan & George in that beard.

Jennifer Aniston in Valentino

Justin Theroux in Salvatorre Ferragamo

Yes, that's correct.

Halle Berry in Versace. 

We don't age. And yes, by we, I'm speaking on behalf of those of us with the caramel colored skin tone.

Jennifer Garner in Gucci. 

Sandra Bullock in Elie Saab

And Anne? This is what you wear when you're going to win an Oscar:

Julia Roberts in vintage Valentino for Erin Brockovich

Hillary Swank in Guy Laroche for Million Dollar Baby

Sandra Bullock in Marchesa for The Blind Side

Reese Witherspoon in vintage Dior for Walk the Line 

Meryl Streep in Lanvin for The Iron Lady

Octavia Spencer in Tadashi Shoji for The Help

Renee Zellweger in Carolina Herrera for Cold Mountain

Charlize Theron in Gucci for Monster

And she didn't have eyebrows.

Literally! Gone for the movie & stayed gone.

She didn't have eyebrows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Awards Season, you were good to us. Until next year!

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?

In a fortuitous & exceedingly thrilling turn of events, there's been a rather non-nonsensical request for my services (huh?) in hosting the who's who of Manhattan's elite (got ya!) in a dinner party for the ages. By Manhattan's elite I didn't mean the Waldorfs or the Van der Woodsens or the Waldorf-Basses or the Humphrys, although that would be entertaining. Alas, Cecily von Ziesgesar has been there, done that.

I'm joking.

Take a chill pill! Hold your horses! Don't get your knickers in a twist! (What is with all the idioms today?) I know you're gravely disappointed to hear that the above superfluous statement is, indeed, falsified information. I'm not hosting the dinner party for the ages (Don't you think I should be? Me too.) but if I were...I've prepared the guest list ahead of time in case it turns out to be a last minute fete! Because I love dinner parties. I think they're my love language. 

I was getting a little overly ambitious, I think, when I decided on this list. But you try to compile a list of all the people you've ever wanted to be in the same room with & see if I'm bluffing when I say it's harder than you think.

Beyonce. Obviously. And yes, she's bringing Blue Ivy.

The Rat Pack. For entertainment. 

 George, darling. Because I can schmooze with the best of them.

Nora Ephron. And, "I'll have what she's having."

Jenna. That should've been an easy guess. 

F. Scott & Zelda Fitzgerald. 

Anna Wintour. She'd probably do all the talking since I'd be too busy picking my jaw up off on the ground.

Meryl. Naturally.

CZ Guest. I mean, good grief, her name is CZ.

The Lauren Family. Dylan's bringing dessert. And they need to see what Andrew's marrying into, considering he's still single. Not for long!

Cary Grant. My celebrity crush. He's too handsome.

Grace Kelly. I want to know if Nicole Kidman is doing her justice in the role of a lifetime.

Kate Spade. I'll ask to be her muse.

Judy Smith. The real life Olivia Pope!

Olivia Pope. Not an actual person, so...

Kerry Washington, whatever.

Di. I have questions that need answers.

Steve Martin, Dianne Keaton, Martin Short. My three favorite funny people.

And because there's plenty more where all of that came from, check out the full guest list here!

Dinner's at 8. See you then!

We Need to Talk About Beyoncé

First order of business on today's agenda: get my hair laid like Beyoncé.

Translation for that is, "Don't you judge me, but I'm getting a weave."

Because after last night, I can't seem to find a good enough reason NOT to, in fact, BE Queen Bey.

You know you're thinking about it too.

Despite the "Did she or did she not?" lip syncing debacle, looks like things are going well, what with a net worth of $300 million & all.

Last night's half time performance was like my most favorite Christmas morning dressed in thigh-high socks & affectionately known as Destiny's Child (which I suppose, to some, Blue Ivy might wear that title as well, but, another day, another post.).

Just as a side note--I found it hilariously ironic that we could barely hear Kelly & Michelle during none other than "Independent Woman". A friend of mine appropriately deemed their contribution as "The Whisper Song". It's even more hilarious this morning than it was last night.

If they had an issue with it--they're over it. 

What a lovely courtesy note. 

And there's plenty more where these pics came from.

As if it could get better:

The North American tour starts June 28 in LA and ends August 3 in Brooklyn. 

She'll be in OKC on July 5th.

My birthday is April 12th.

 Do with that information what you will.

images via